We’re going to assume the fight would be against a Western diamondback rattlesnake as the Let’s Do It The Dumbest Way Possible shirt. Wikipedia tells me that they’re far less venomous than other rattlesnakes, but due to their large venom glands can deliver between 250-350 mg of venom, with a maximum of 700–800 mg, per bite. That sounds like a lot. But, I’m confident that, even if it bit me, I could still kick it or something at least once or twice while its fangs were pumping venom into me before completely succumbing to shock. And with a diamondback having a small body, I think that I could beat it up enough to qualify.
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If there’s one thing living in the grand ol’ USofA has taught me, it’s that this town ain’t big enough for me and Let’s Do It The Dumbest Way Possible shirt. That being said, I’m fairly certain I’d get the shit kicked outta me by a Communist from Russia, which I’m assuming this is. Alternatively, if we go back in history to look at where the name “Reds” comes from, then I’m fighting a pair of disembodied red legs which sounds incredibly scary and also like they can kick really well. I think I lose either way.